The title says it all. These apparently came from the Washington Post, and are hilariously funny. Enjoy!
- He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.
- The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
- The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
- The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
- You know how in “Rocky” he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well, yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.
- I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either.
- Fishing is like waiting for something that does not happen very often.
- It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
- He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose.
- He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
- The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
- She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
- Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
Hilarious! The dangerous line between creative...and stupid!
ReplyDeleteHaha, I think the people who wrote some of these are missing the point of comparisons...
ReplyDeleteBread bag tabs? Bag thingie? Now that's going to bother me...
ReplyDeletehahaha! but I rather like "The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t." It reminds me of "they hung in the air rather like bricks don't" which comes from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and therefore can only be a good thing :D
ReplyDeleteI've seen these exact analogies many times over the years; there are lots more out there too, if you look for them.
ReplyDeleteDespite the seeming stupidity of them, there's very present voice in these analogies. I'm with Emily; I actually like the bowling ball one.
Wow... This is hilarious.
ReplyDeleteHi, Nick. I just nominated you for a bloggers award; click here for more details (and if the link doesn't work, just click on my profile and click on the second 'Whispers' blog): http://whispersofwindandsong.blogspot.com/2012/07/blogging-awards.html
ReplyDeleteHi :) I absolutely loved some of these! Definitely the kind of pick-me-up you need while procrastinating writing in the middle of the night lol.
ReplyDeleteM.J. Wille, romantic sci-fi author
Some of them were hella funny! lol
ReplyDeletebadass blog!
new follower!
http://thecrossbreeds.blogspot.com/
I'm cracking up here! Reminds me of the analogies I used to write. No. There is no need to repeat them. :)
ReplyDeleteThese are hilarious, Nick. :D If you have time, I've given you the Top Blog award, and you can do a post of it if you'd like or just bask in the glory of getting an award. Ha ha. Anyway, here's the link: http://seanajvixen.blogspot.com/2012/07/top-blog-award.html
ReplyDeleteHey Nick! I just recently found your blog and I've been reading through it. Good writing advice! And this particular post really cracked me up. I've got a question: Would you like to guest post on my writing blog about helping female authors make their guy characters more realistic? It's been spoken about here before, and I thought it would make a great post. We've been talking about it on the Go Teen Writers facebook, too, because a lot of us girls have guy characters in our books. Me, for example - I'm writing first person from a guy's perspective. So, if you feel like it, check out my blog:
ReplyDeletehttp://powerupmywriting.blogspot.com
Thanks! :)
hahha the tongue part was hilarious
ReplyDeleteThat's ridiculous!
ReplyDeleteAnd really, really funny . . . :)