The title says it all. These apparently came from the Washington Post, and are hilariously funny. Enjoy!
- He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.
- The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
- The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
- The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
- You know how in “Rocky” he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well, yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.
- I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either.
- Fishing is like waiting for something that does not happen very often.
- It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
- He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose.
- He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
- The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
- She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
- Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
