First of all, I'd like to draw your attention to my first ever interview with Jess from Jest Kept Secret as part of her Before They Were Published interview series with (obviously) unpublished writers. Eeek! Excting! Anyway, it was really fun answering the questions, and hopefully I said some stuff that made sense. So go check it out, if you feel so inclined. Thank you kindly.
Now, what this post is actually about. I didn't think I'd be doing another one so soon, but the Writer's Campaign threw that out the window and told me to think otherwise. So, without further ado, here are the rules for this challenge:
Now, what this post is actually about. I didn't think I'd be doing another one so soon, but the Writer's Campaign threw that out the window and told me to think otherwise. So, without further ado, here are the rules for this challenge:
Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:
- that it’s morning,
- that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach
- that the MC (main character) is bored
- that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting
- that something surprising happens.
So, I wrote a flash-fiction piece. I've taken the liberty to use the point about something stinking behind them as a metaphor - as in, their pasts (which are behind them) were dark and generally unpleasant. Here it is. Enjoy!
(And, by the way, I wrote this listening to My Name Is Lincoln from The Island's soundtrack, which is probably why it turned out like this.)
* * * * *
The wind howls through the night, bringing the Arctic cold from the north. I hear the sound of waves crashing upon the shore and feel the sand between my toes. Next to me is Katherine, sound asleep, but I see that she is shivering, so I take off my jacket and cover her with it. Then I hug my knees tighter as my mind wanders.
It’s hard to be patient when you’re anticipating happiness.
We’ve been waiting for hours, hoping to see a boat sail into view. A boat that
will take us across the sea into a new land. But it hasn’t come.
Sighing, I rub my eyes, and consider drawing a picture in
the sand of what I think a flower would look like to pass time. But, with
further thought, I realise I can’t imagine one, so I just sit there. Katherine
fills my mind.
My eyes close at the thought of her, and I smile. My mind …
drifts … under.
Suddenly, hours pass in a second, and I wake to the sun rising
over the horizon, casting a golden light upon the beach. My eyes flash open.
When they finally adjust, a gasp escapes me. The sea is
stunning: the waves are calm now, and they sparkle as they wash the sandy shore
with purity; the water beyond the breakers glows with brilliance in the morning
light.
It’s the second most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
It’s hard to imagine such wonder when you’ve lived your
entire life in darkness. I look past Katherine, still asleep, to the shattered
world from which we came: the darkened sky and black clouds, the ruined
buildings.
I turn back to the blazing sunlight and the sea. My heat
jumps. There is a black speck on the horizon.
Wonderful job!! Love the imagery in this! New follower BTW :)
ReplyDelete(I'm entry #5)
The imagery is wonderful! Hope they are saved.
ReplyDeletelovely imagery!
ReplyDeleteIndeed. The imagery was to die for.
ReplyDeleteThanks all :) Thank you for following, Jess :) I'll go have a look at your entry :)
ReplyDeleteAnd Sonia, I hope so too. I suppose we'll never know ...
That was fantastic, Nick! Great job! :)
ReplyDeleteWell done Nick! Off to Vote :-)
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic imagery, Nick! Great job.
ReplyDeleteMine is #25.
Great job, Nick! I really liked the feelings that invoked :) I'm #14
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good piece. You convey the hope well towards the end. Fitting title.
ReplyDeleteWell done.
Beautiful imagery of the the sun rising on a new day. Great entry! I set mine in Antarctica! :)
ReplyDeleteLove the descriptions, very visual. The story feels very uplifting in a way. Great job!
ReplyDelete(I'm #28) :)
"It’s the second most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen."
ReplyDeleteExcellent! Nice way to end this story. A black speck of doom? Now I worry for these two! :)
Aw, you captured such a hopeful moment. I especially love the line about how the scenery was the second most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. *wipes a tear away*
ReplyDeleteVery nicely written! Love the descriptive! : )
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone, and welcome to a couple new followers :) I'm off to go and have a look at some other entries :D
ReplyDelete@David: A black speck of doom, or a black speck of hope? Another dark cloud or the boat they've been waiting for? Take your pick :P
Very vivid imagery, so easy to visualise. :) Nice!
ReplyDeleteGreat story. The ending makes me want to know what happened and what's going to happen.
ReplyDeleteLovely visuals!
ReplyDeleteI also liked the sense of time being interrupted... as if it's been suspended...
The 'black speck' introduces a sense of unease into this otherwise trouble-free setting. Great way of ending the piece, Nick.
Great writing style for a teenager!
(I'm no.#47)
You've got some really great imagery here - and well done on working the criteria of the challenge in so well!
ReplyDeleteI sense danger with that black spec in the distance. Mine is #56
ReplyDeletevery beautiful. I nearly thought he froze and woke to his afterlife. Then I thought, maybe the ship came in :) Or, something ominous is about to happen. So many possibilities.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations you have been chosen to move on to the second round of judging! Good luck. :)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful writing :) Are you sure you are really a teenager? Maybe you should check. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your passion for writing as in your blog description, and I relate to it entirely. You can tell from this piece that it is very well thought out and I enjoyed the suggestive aspect of the expositional points. This sentence though: - A boat that will take us across the sea into a new land.' seems superfluous to me, a tad obvious; the preceding sentence saying it all really. It's and ideal place for an expositional comment though, perhaps like 'Hope, new tomorrows or beginnings, or whatever. Just a suggestion. Also did you mean to say heat in the last sentence, or heart?) Very well done, and thank you for having found mine.
ReplyDeleteThanks all you kind people! It's fun hearing speculations about the black dot :)
ReplyDelete@kmckendry: Awesome! Thanks so much! :)
@Angela: Thank you :) Ummmm ... I think I'm a teenager. I think. Wait, let me go find my birth certificate :P
@SP Mount: Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I'm glad you read the About Me page (I wasn't sure that anyone actually does that!) and could relate to it :) As for your suggestion: that's probably a valid point. I think I'll have to pay closer attention to getting rid of the excess in the future :) And yea, that was supposed to be heart, not heat.
You've described it very well. The first line really sets the change in weather.
ReplyDeleteI love the hopeful ending!
Thank you for your wonderful comment on mine, Nick (about the Jellyfish)!
Gosh I just LOVED that! You completely won me over...I'm following you now. Excellent story :) Congrats on your interview. I'm sure you'll be published soon!
ReplyDeletegood job! I was immediately invested in the story!
ReplyDeleteNice job! Love the visuals. Great entry.
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone :)
ReplyDeleteI totally pictured this in my head and I'd like to read more.
ReplyDeleteI voted. Have a wonderful weekend.
Fabulous entry, Nick. Black spot in the distance...definitely ominous. Reading this, I had the same sense as if watching an old scary movie. Everything is beautiful, sweet lullaby music playing--violin maybe--your readers are thinking the worst is over, until...
ReplyDeleteGreat entry, one of my favs so far. :))
Great imagery and the black speck really has me wondering! Nice work.
ReplyDeleteOh...I want to know what the black speck it in the distance! Good job.
ReplyDeleteGreat visuals. Enjoyed this. I'm #88.
ReplyDeleteI totally felt the excitement! I thought Katherine would be gone when he woke up! Very nice job. I'm #65.
ReplyDeleteGood job, and nice to end on a note of optimism.
ReplyDeletemood (now following)
Moody Writing
@mooderino
I like the way you portrayed the whole past and future thing. Good job in this challenge!
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone. I'm pretty encouraged by your comments :)
ReplyDeleteReally well written...and very rich, both physically and emotionally. Kudos!
ReplyDeleteThank you Jes! :)
DeleteI love the idea you had about what they were escaping from. Imagine, living your whole life in darkness!
ReplyDeleteI instantly thought it was the boat, now, reading everyone else's comments I'm not so sure... Yeah, gonna go with it's a boat.
Yea, it's a kind of metaphorical escape. I saw their world as dystopian, or post-apocalyptic.
Delete(Secretly, between you, me, and the rest of the world, I intended it to be a boat. But it's open to interpretation, of course.)
Daaannnng baby that was good.
ReplyDelete