Thursday, June 14, 2012

Wildcard: Awesome Terrible Analogies

The title says it all. These apparently came from the Washington Post, and are hilariously funny. Enjoy!
  • He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.
  • The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
  • The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
  • The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
  • You know how in “Rocky” he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well, yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.
  • I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either.
  • Fishing is like waiting for something that does not happen very often.
  • It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
  • The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
  • The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
  • He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose.
  • He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
  • The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
  • She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
  • Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
  • He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.


  1. Hilarious! The dangerous line between creative...and stupid!

  2. Haha, I think the people who wrote some of these are missing the point of comparisons...

  3. Bread bag tabs? Bag thingie? Now that's going to bother me...

  4. hahaha! but I rather like "The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t." It reminds me of "they hung in the air rather like bricks don't" which comes from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and therefore can only be a good thing :D

  5. I've seen these exact analogies many times over the years; there are lots more out there too, if you look for them.

    Despite the seeming stupidity of them, there's very present voice in these analogies. I'm with Emily; I actually like the bowling ball one.

  6. Hi, Nick. I just nominated you for a bloggers award; click here for more details (and if the link doesn't work, just click on my profile and click on the second 'Whispers' blog):

  7. Hi :) I absolutely loved some of these! Definitely the kind of pick-me-up you need while procrastinating writing in the middle of the night lol.

    M.J. Wille, romantic sci-fi author

  8. Some of them were hella funny! lol
    badass blog!
    new follower!

  9. I'm cracking up here! Reminds me of the analogies I used to write. No. There is no need to repeat them. :)

  10. These are hilarious, Nick. :D If you have time, I've given you the Top Blog award, and you can do a post of it if you'd like or just bask in the glory of getting an award. Ha ha. Anyway, here's the link:

  11. Hey Nick! I just recently found your blog and I've been reading through it. Good writing advice! And this particular post really cracked me up. I've got a question: Would you like to guest post on my writing blog about helping female authors make their guy characters more realistic? It's been spoken about here before, and I thought it would make a great post. We've been talking about it on the Go Teen Writers facebook, too, because a lot of us girls have guy characters in our books. Me, for example - I'm writing first person from a guy's perspective. So, if you feel like it, check out my blog:
    Thanks! :)

  12. hahha the tongue part was hilarious

  13. That's ridiculous!

    And really, really funny . . . :)


Your comments are awesome. I usually reply to each one individually, so please click the "Subscribe by Email" button or check back here in a few days to see my response. Thanks for commenting!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...