“Told you it was
suicide.”
I crawled to the
wall under the bridge and sat up against it, listening to the sound
of the rain on the city streets above. “Lies,” I grunted through
barred teeth, pain shooting through my leg. “I'm still here.” I
grinned.
Patrick glowered at
me. “Cut it out. You were this damn close.” He held up his thumb
and forefinger a quarter inch apart. “You're lucky to be alive
still. Those men out there are highly trained – they could have
killed you.”
“But they
didn't.”
Patrick slicked
back his wet hair and growled, “I don't care! Look, this isn't a
game, all right? In case you haven't noticed, we're fugitives, John.
Fugitives. There isn't a doctor in a hundred miles who will
get that bullet out without calling the cops. And you're in no
condition to get that far.”
“But we have to
get out her somehow. We can't just wait!”
Patrick looked out
towards the flashing blue and red lights. “But we can't run,
either.”
“Then what are we
gonna do?”
“Yeah,” Patrick
mumbled. “That's just it. … That's just it.”
Why do I get the feeling that Patrick is about to do something bad, very bad?
ReplyDeleteIn half a page you managed to get across the fact that Pat is in deep -bleep- with nothing but a rock and a hard place surround him.
ReplyDeleteVery nice.
Even if I've never read the story or its synopsis, it allows the imagination to color in what has possibly taken place and what is coming ahead.
Oooh…great excerpt. Very intriguing. I agree with everything MyTricksterGod said. =)
ReplyDeleteAlso, I've given you the Kreativ Blogger Award over at my blog, http://amanda-the-aspiring.blogspot.com/2012/03/kreativ-blogger.html . Again, great writing—good luck with this! ^_^
Ohhh...what a cliff-hanger! Great job. ^^
ReplyDeleteWhat's the plan? Tell me, tell me :-)
ReplyDeleteGreat Dialogue and way to go "hook" that leaves the reader wanting to here more. Small mistake you might want to fix : “But we have to get out her somehow. We can't just wait!” Sometimes those fingers move faster than the eyes, am I right? Really enjoyed reading this though.
ReplyDeleteWow, good stuff!
ReplyDeleteLove the blog! I've tagged you in a writing-themed meme on mine :)
ReplyDeleteHi, you've been tagged in the Lucky 7 meme! Details are here: http://sorchanr.blogspot.com/2012/03/hi-there-nick-wilford-me-in-lucky-7.html
ReplyDeletegreat dialogue :)
ReplyDeleteYou haven't posted in a while. This is one of my favorite teen writers blog. I hope you post again soon.
ReplyDelete~Sarah F.
Hi, I've tagged you with the Lucky 7 Meme. Check my blog for details.
ReplyDeleteAn interesting extract. I'd like to know more
ReplyDeletehttp://jackedwardspoetry.blogspot.co.uk/